PCT Days 112-118: Etna to Ashland

Day 112

Miles 1606-1624

I'm hung over from the threes beers I had last night. Moxie is up at 6am and headed out to breakfast with the gang, but I stay in bed and pull the covers to my chin. This motel bed is too comfortable to leave at 7am. I sleep another hour, take a long shower, then pack my bag and walk go the local espresso place.

I'm back on the trail by 10am and arrive at the trailhead at the same time as 10 other hikers. I know them all, but that's a lot of hikers to follow up the trail so I slow my pace and fall a comfortable distance behind.

I stop for lunch at Fischer Lake, jumping in after eating my meal of meat, cheese, and bagel. The lake is filled with these cute little salamander tadpole things. I'm not sure exactly what they are, but they play along the shoreline twisting and rolling in the water.

Further up the trail I find a nice camping spot, secluded on a high ridge. From inside my tent I can see both east and west into the surrounding valleys. I sit and watch the sunset from inside my comfortable tent.

Day 113

Miles 1624-1644

I wake up as the sun rises and have enough energy to take this picture, sticking my arm outside of my tent, before falling back asleep.

It's a cloudy day. I get lost on a side trail looking for a spring and spend 45 minutes trying to get back to the trail. I get back to the trail soaked in sweat and covered in bugs and plant debris from bushwhacking up a large hill. I sit for a minute to calm down and catch my breath before sucking it up and moving on.

There are many long stretches today without water, but the water I do find is mostly cold, clean water coming straight from a hillside. Sometimes they are piped springs and sometimes people set up little systems like this leaf/funnel to make getting water a bit easier.

There was a 40% chance of rain yesterday and a 20% chance today, but it stays dry all day despite the massive clouds rolling by.

The sunset tonight looks like a painting. It's difficult to sit and enjoy the view as I'm having a great deal of intestinal discomfort, but I stay long enough to take a photo before finishing the last mile or so to camp. I've been having stomach issues for a few days now, but today it's getting much worse. Ugh.

Day 114

Miles 1644- 1662

Today I drop from 7,000 feet in elevation to less than 1,500 feet. The trip into and out of Seiad Valley is known for being hot, humid, and long. I'm so close to Oregon and it feels like California is refusing to let go of me. 

Down I go, into the valley. Up top the air is cool and there's a strong breeze, but when the heat hits towards the bottom, it hits hard. Within an hour of starting the descent it feels like the temperature has skyrocketed. The air is sticky and still as I reach the bottom of the valley.

It's a six mile road walk from the bottom of the valley tot he town of Seid Valley. I walk four miles on the asphalt, the temperature surpassing 100. I start to feel dizzy before a nice woman pulls over and asks if I need a ride. I say yes without even really considering it and she drives me the last 2 miles into town.

Everyone is here, lounging under the trees trying to escape the sun. I feel dehydrated and weak.

The post office, grocery store, and restaurant all exist in the same building here in Seiad Valley. I eat  a lunch of fries and Pepsi as I'm still feeling off physically and can't eat much else, then I resupply at the store.

The store is filled with stickers and t-shirts with the emblem of the State of Jefferson. Apparently a few counties in southern Oregon and northern Califirnia have tried to form their own state unsuccessfully, but the dream still lives here in Seiad Valley.

I'm exhausted and my body hurts, so I set up camp in the field next to Princess and Mr Sandals. I chat with everyone for a while before crawling into my tent and trying to sleep.

Day 115

Miles 1662-1677

It's 2am and I'm wide awake. My insides are gurgling and I toss and turn in the uncomfortable heat. I've been denying it for a few days, but I can't deny it any longer; I have giardia. Or at least I have some stomach issue beyond the normal hiker-stomach where diarrhea comes and goes. Cramps, inhuman amounts of gas, queasiness, lack of appetite, liquid diarrhea, I toss and turn on my air mattress trying to find a comfortable position that lessens the stomach cramping.

I'm 37 miles from the Oregon border and, honestly, I'm ready to go home. I'm sick and lonely and out of money and patience.

I go to the bathroom, thank god I'm somewhere that has a bathroom, and an hour later I'm still here. Why am I still doing this, I ask myself, hiking alone, sick, spending money that I don't have. I've been hiking for 4 months, almost through the entire state of California, and I'm not having fun anymore.

It's 3:30am and I know the others are planning on getting up at 4 to start the big ascent out of Seiad Valley. I go back to my tent and fall into a hot, restless sleep. 

I wake up with a pounding headache. It's 6:45am and the restaurant opens at 7. Everyone is gone, except for Strawberry, her sister Unicorn, Lighthouse, and Mung. I should get up and eat something.

The cold orange juice is perfect for my pounding head, but when my food arrives I immediately want to vomit. I've never felt so hungry and nauseous at the same time. I eat my french toast and my bacon. I try to eat the eggs, but I just can't. My stomach gurgles and I have to find a bathroom. I'm still thinking about leaving the PCT. 

I talk to Strawberry in front of the restaurant. Her family is picking her and her sister up in Ashland and driving them home to Seattle. They would love to give me a ride. Maybe we could just hitch to Ashland from here and skip the next 65 miles.

No, I think, I need to make it to the Oregon/Washington border. That way, if I decide to leave the trail, at least I'll have completed the PCT in California. I tell myself that I'll hike for at least a few more days. I take the giardia medication I've been carrying.

The three of us hike out together. I still feel light headed and we decide to take a road walk that has more water and cuts the climb in half. Two miles into the road walk my stomach starts cramping again. I sit down on the side of the road and lay back on my pack. 

Thirty minutes later, still on the ground, we hear a car driving up the road. Strawberry jumps up and sticks out her thumb. A middle-aged woman pulls over, rolls down her window, "Really?" she asks. I laugh uncomfortably, "could you give us a ride to the trail?"

"I've never seen PCT hikers hitch to the trail from here, but if you don't want to walk I'll give you a ride."

We thank her and get in the car feeling a bit embarrassed by her comment. The driver ends up being a very sweet lady with long silver hair and she apologizes for being rude as she drives us up the bumpy road. She's had a tough day and I can sympathize.

The sweet lady drives Strawberry, Unicorn, and I to a trailhead where the road meets back up with the trail. It's quiet and shady, so I sit under a big pine tree. My head hurts again.

Princess hikes onto the road a few minutes later after finishing the big climb in 6 hours. I skipped 15 miles of the PCT and Princess teases me for hitching, as do Mr Sandals and Firecracker. I feel guilty. I think about finding a way back down to the valley so I can hike the climb tomorrow and do this without gaps, but my head and stomach disagree. I just need to lay down for a while.

Eventually everyone leaves the road to hike a few more miles before setting up camp. I feel like all my energy has been zapped out of me. I've barely eaten today so I set up my tent and cook myself dinner.

Lighthouse and Mung hike into my camp as I'm tossing and turning on my mattress. I don't get up to say hello because my head is still pounding and I hope they'll just keep hiking and leave me alone.

"Glitter?" Lighthouse asks tentatively.

 I sit up and I can feel the blood pounding in my head, behind my eyes. "Yep."

"How's it going?"

I tell him the truth.

"Do you always hike alone" he asks.

"Um, sort of I guess. I loosely hike around the same people, but most of the time I'm alone."

"Do you enjoy it?" Why is he asking me this questions?

"I mean, I guess I enjoy it sometimes."

"Oh, OK, I was just wondering."

Like the others, they walk out of camp to hike a few more miles. I sit in my tent thinking about what just happened. Do I really like being alone as much as I made it sound? No. Maybe part of the reason that going home is so attractive is that I feel like I'm lacking real community out here. I've met lots of wonderful people, but I still feel very alone.

I take two Benedryl to help me sleep and stare at the sky waiting for them to take effect. I still think I'd like to go home. I hear a car pull up to the camp site.

"Do you want a beer?" Someone shouts from the window. I sit up, head still pulsing although a little less intense now. I yell, "if you were to ask me that question any of the one hundred and fourteen days of this trip before today I would probably start to cry and tell you that you're an angel, but right now I'm sick and that just sounds like death." The couple in the car laugh and a woman gets out from the passenger side door. "Here," she says and hands me a bottle of Bud Light Lime, "save it for later."

The couple introduce themselves as Chelsea and Cory; they're out here from Ashland on a day hike. They ask me about my trip and how I'm feeling now. I have nothing to lose, so I tell them the truth.

"An hour ago I was hoping that someone would drive up that road and give me a ride to Ashland so I could recover in a real bed. I didn't think it was possible, but here you are. Now that you're here though and I could just ask you, I'm realizing that I don't want to hitch into Ashland. I have everything I need right here: water, food, and medicine. And I want to hike into Oregon. I've come almost 1700 miles to get here and Oregon is so close."

She laughs, maybe because I have verbal diarrhea and I don't know her or maybe because she totally gets it. "OK, we won't even offer to take you into town. You can do this. You're so close."

Chelsea and Cory- If you're reading this (I gave you my blog so I hope you are) THANK YOU for the encouragement. I'm going to drink this lime soda at the California/Oregon border and it's going to be delicious, but it was really your friendliness and encouragement that meant so much to me. It's funny what a tiny bit of kindness and warmth can do for someone else's day.

The Benedryl finally takes effect and I drift off to sleep while the sun is still shining.

Day 116

Miles 1677-1714

I wake up in a Benedryl induced haze and pack my things. I start walking slowly and pass Strawberry and Unicorn in a few miles. I keep walking, but I feel like a zombie. I have no energy, no appetite, and I've already gone to the bathroom 4 times by 10am.

I manage to walk 10 miles, 15 miles, 20 miles and my feet don't hurt. What's up with that? I force myself to eat every half an hour, but on two occasions I overdo it and vomit on the side of the trail. There's a storm coming in and I can see lightning in the distance.

As I get close to the border, California makes a few last attempts to maintain its grasp on me. It starts to rain and lightning strikes the forest in front of me. I see a fire about a mile off of the trail. I puke again.

I come around a corner and there it is, the Oregon/California border. It's still raining and I have to go to the bathroom, so I snap a quick picture and scribble something in the trail register before running off into the woods.

I keep hiking until I reach a high ridge and have cell service. I call my dad to ask him to help me find a motel in Ashland. Everything seems to be booked because it's going to be the weekend and they have a Shakespeare festival going on. I get his voicemail. I leave a vague message and ask him to call me back. It starts to rain again so I move on and decide to camp once I get better cell signal.

I leave my phone on, constantly checking to see if I have any signal. I check at one point and see that I've received a flood of text messages and voicemails from the past few days, but I can't figure out when I passed a spot with a clear signal. I see that my dad left me a voicemail. He's worried. Damn, I think, now I really need to find cell signal tonight.

As I hike I see 6 more fires. Wow! Oregon is burning.

I hike and hike and hike. I pass the Germans, the Bubbies, and even Lighthouse and Mung. It's getting dark and I still have no signal. I have to hike until I get signal. I don't want my dad worrying all night. 

Finally, 37 miles into the craziest day of the entire trail I get some cell signal. It's 11pm and I throw my backpack down, set up my tent, and quickly jump inside. My dad answers on the first ring.

Day 117

Miles 1714-1727

I wake up today and know that it's my last day on trail. I've hit a wall and I'm ready to go back to Seattle to recover. I feel good about it. I came out here for the experience and an experience is what I found. I feel like this journey has come to a natural end and there is no need to prolong it.

A few miles into the day I stumble on some trail magic and write a goodbye note to my friends behind me.

I make it to Ashland a few hours later, exhausted and sick, and check into my motel room. Sleep.

In the evening I meet Moxie and her mom for dinner at the brewery in town. My appetite seems to be slowly coming back and I am able to eat an entire meal. That's a good sign, maybe the giardia medication is working after all.

Day 118

The end?

Ashland is an adorable town and I spend a few hours in the afternoon walking around downtown. I'm feeling nostalgic and a little sad to leave the trail, but I'm still confident about my decision.

In the evening I have dinner with the trail family that I have been with for the last 1,000 miles: the Germans (Princess and Mr Sandals), the Bubbies (Firecracker a and Tidy Camper), and Moxie. There are a few tears, but if think everyone can see that I've made my decision.

After dinner we all get some ice cream, say our goodbyes, and I go back to my motel room. I'm still exhausted, but my diarrhea isn't as bad and I'm HUNGRY. I haven't been this hungry in such a long time I had forgotten what it felt like. 

As I lay in my bed, packed and ready to be picked up by Strawberry and her family in the morning, I start to question leaving the trail for the first time in a few days. Suddenly I feel less confident about my decision. I imagine myself feeling healthy again and wonder, would I have the desire to finish the trail if I had my energy back? 

I think about who would be affected if I change my mind and decide to stay on trail. I write emails to my dad, my supervisors at work, and a few others that I've already told that I'm returning to Seattle, but I don't send the emails yet. Writing to these people is helping me sort through my thoughts.

"Dear Dad,

I've decided to continue hiking. As you can tell, I've hit a wall on the PCT. After being sick this past week it felt impossible to walk back into the heat and climb another mountain alone and tired. I feel like I've reached the complete end of my rope and I'm ready to return to the life I enjoy and the people I love in Seattle. 

As I sit here though, packed and ready to leave, I feel the desire returning. I've wanted to do this for a long time and, although I'm lonely and uncomfortable right now, I know that nothing is permanent. I think I need to continue on this journey despite my temporary, albeit intense, discomfort. I want to make it to Canada.

I think the giardia medication worked, as last night I could eat a large meal and today I had a semi-normal BM. Too much information, I know, but I'm starting to feel healthier and that is SUCH a good thing.

I love you and thank you for your constant love and support.

-Rob"

I call one of my best friends then my boyfriend and they are supportive of my decision. I take a deep breath, go back into my email account, and send the emails I've written to my friends and family. I'm hiking to Canada. I feel giddy and excited, but my body is still exhausted and I fall asleep with my phone still in my hand.