Post-PCT Update

It has been 19 days since I left the PCT.

When I first got back to Seattle I was excited to see my friends, move into my new apartment, and get back to my comfortable routine. At the same time I was anxious about having to answer everyone's questions. Why did I leave the trail? Am I that sick? I felt confident about that I made the right decision for myself, but I was having a difficult time verbalizing my feelings in a way that satisfied other people's curiosity. I knew that I was still processing the experience and I found myself experiencing shame in a way that I didn't expect.

I started having nightmares every night about leaving the trail. One night I dreamed that my ex-boyfriend angrily blocked the trail in front of me and I couldn't get around him. Another night that my father berated me for no apparent reason and dropped me off in the middle of the desert, miles from the nearest trail head. The following week the setting of the dreams changed, but the feelings they contained did not. I dreamed that I was fired from my job and I dreamed that I ate my friend's toddler and was too ashamed to tell her that it was me. I find it interesting how the feeling of shame has arisen in my subconscious even though I consciously know that I have nothing to be ashamed about.

After seeing a doctor in Ashland and having several stool tests, I still have no clear answer about the physical symptoms that I was, and still am, experiencing. The doctor suggested that I could have treated the giardia successfully in Seiad Valley and my that body is still recovering, made more difficult by the fact that I continued hiking. The doctor also suggested that I could have an illness that wasn't found on the specific tests he ran or that the tests returned a false-negative. I've scheduled a follow-up with my naturopath here in Seattle, but at this point I'm not expecting that she'll find anything conclusive. Maybe she'll recommend an expensive and out-of-pocket panel that will show an overabundance of some bacteria in my gut. Who knows.

Besides what I've already mentioned, the only update I can give is that reintegration into city life has been difficult and my feelings about leaving the PCT are complicated. I feel healthy even though my bowels do not and I'm doing my best to recognize and release any shame that I'm feeling about not finishing the PCT. I'm looking forward to never having to eat a Snickers again and I'm excited to provide trail magic for some of my hiker friends as they pass through Washington State.

Thank you all for following me on this journey.

Until next time,

GlitteRob

The end... For now!

I'm ill and my body needs more rest. I've decided to fly back to Seattle. I've given this hike my best and it's time for me to go back to Seattle and heal my mind and body. I'm proud of what I've done and it has been a really difficult decision for me to leave the trail.

I want to say goodbye to all of my badass hiker buddies and THANK YOU to everyone who read my blog and supported me along this journey. I especially want to thank my dad for his constant encouragement. 

Farewell for now PCT.

Also, I plan on writing a longer post about my decision to take an extended break from the PCT, as well as my readjustment to city life, just as soon as I have enough energy.

PCT Days 119-125: Ashland to... Ashland

Days 119-121

Zero days

I'm up as the sun peaks into my window over interstate 5. I eat as much as I can at the motel's continental breakfast before jumping in the car with Strawberry, Unicorn, and their parents for the 8 hour drive back to Seattle.

I've decided to go home after all, but only for a few days. I need some rest and a healthy dose of love from my family in Seattle. On the drive I buy a plane ticket from Seattle back to Ashland/Medford, just to have my plan set in stone.

Thank you Strawberry, Unicorn, and family for your generosity and the snacks on the way back to Seattle!

I arrived home in the evening and immediately went to a going away picnic for my friend Stand who is moving to Norway in a few days. I knew a bunch of people at the picnic and it was incredible, and a little overwhelming, to see so many familiar faces.

Seattle must have known I was coming because the PCT made the headline in the Seattle Times! I met the guy they wrote about (I think his name is Stringbean) when I was hiking with my dad. In fact, my dad hitched back to his car with this guy's support crew!

My visit was absolutely perfect. I spent tons of quality time with my friends and even went paddle boarding with my guy. Speaking of paddle boarding, I managed to get my iPhone wet. Oops! Hopefully this doesn't affect the quality of my pictures in the future.

Thank you everyone for your love, support, pizza, and help in getting me ready to go back to the trail. I am especially thankful for my guy, Ethan, for taking so much time to help me when I was overwhelmed with town chores. 

Thank you Ethman for your patience and care, for helping me shop, and for fixing both my tent and backpack. You're the BEST!

Day 122

Miles 1727-1729

Ethan walks me the bus stop bright and early as I start my trip back to Ashland. I take the bus to the train, the train to the airport and a little plane to Medford. I hop off the plane, eager to meet Moxie and T-Rose in Ashland, and wait for my backpack in baggage claim. I wait 45 minutes and watch the last person walk away from the airport's only baggage carousel. Um... where's my bag?

The woman at the Alaska counter tells me that my bag was sent to Portland, but not to worry because it's on the next flight and they'll happily fedex it to my address. I give my best hiker trash smile and explain that I'm essentially homeless and everything of value that I own is in that pack. She asks if I know anyone in town or if there is anywhere I can go. I explain that I'm out here alone, without a hotel, and I can't go anywhere without my backpack.

After some discussion and genuine effort on her part, she gets my bag on a flight that will arrive at 5pm, just 5 hours after it was originally expected. Cool, I think, I'll just hang out in the airport until then. Luckily, the Medford airport is air-conditioned and it feels pretty luxurious compared to what I'm used to.

My friends decide to wait a few more hours for me and it's not long until we're all reunited in Ashland. I haven't seen T-Rose since I last left Independence in the Sierras! We're also joined by Mountain Spice, who I met way back in Warner Springs around mile 100.

Since we got such a late start we only hike a little over a mile before stopping to camp in a big open field under a giant blue sky. 

I'm still feeling a bit off physically, but it feels good to be back on trail. Canada here I come!!

Day 123

Miles 1729-1750

I wake up and realize that everything around me is wet. The sky is clear so it must be from the morning dew. I cowboy camped last night next to T-Rose and Mountain Spice. I put on my glasses and see that T-Rose is already packing up her things. Maybe I didn't get enough sleep while I was in Seattle, but I'm completely exhausted. What time is it? Does hiking with other people mean that I'm going to have to wake up earlier? Ugh.

The day is wonderfully cool and clear, but I'm totally wiped out. I felt so good yesterday, why am I so exhausted today?

We take our third break of the day by 9am on an outcropping of rocks with a view of Pilot Rock. While we're laughing and eating snacks I hear someone coming down the trail. It's Rocket Llama! 

Rocket Llama says that this is the point in the trail where people "get down to business" and start hiking more miles. We all hike on, but I'm having trouble keeping up. I used to hike faster than these same friends, but now my legs feel heavy and all I can think about is lying down. I trudge on, watching the valleys below, which are blanketed in thick white smoke.

As the afternoon wears on I feel like I need to go back to sleep. T-Rose stays behind with me and we both nap for an hour in the shade. I wake up feeling just as exhausted as before, but I know that I need to keep moving. My diarrhea is back, but I try not to think about it as I count my steps, "one, two, three, one, two, three."

Twenty two miles later we find a spot to end our day. We cowboy camp near a road with our friend Penguin and I set up my groundsheet under a big tree. Hopefully this tree will help keep the dew off of my bag. I'm so tired.

Day 124

Miles 1750-1751

I wake up, once again exhausted and reluctant to hike. There's a cafe down the road and I suggest that we have breakfast before moving on. T-Rose and Mountain Spice join me and we hitch down to the cafe with a firefighter stationed at a fire camp in the area.

I eat a burrito hoping that the calories will give me an energy boost. My stomach starts gurgling half way through the meal and I have to leave the table. My diarrhea is back with a vengeance. Booooo.

After breakfast we decide to walk across a dry lake bed instead of taking the road back to the trailhead. The ground is squishy and smells like goose poop.

Back on trail, T-Rose and I walk together for a few minutes before I start to feel nauseous. She suggests we hitch back to town and see a doctor. I don't want to turn around and we hike for another minute before I start sweating from the nausea. "OK," I say and we turn around and walk back to the road.

A very nice couple picks us up within a few minutes and offers to drive us to the hospital in Ashland. Since I don't have a primary care doctor they have to admit me through the emergency department.

It feels wrong to lay in a hospital bed and the nurses treat me like a sick person. I don't feel sick, I'm just nauseous and I've had diarrhea for what feels like forever. 

Dr. Jones grimaces when I tell him how long I've had diarrhea. He's concerned that the giardia medication didn't work and he thinks continuing with this level of physical exertion isn't helping either. He suggests I stop hiking, rest my body, and let them test me for giardia and other parasites.

I can't stop hiking. I mean, I can take a break, but I've already quit once and I didn't come all of the way back to the trail just to quit again. It's going to take at least 4-5 days to get the test results back and I tell Dr. Jones that I'll be back on trail by then. 

T-Rose and I get a motel room in town and I take a 3 hour nap in the afternoon. T-Rose is adamant that I walk to Canada and her enthusiasm is contagious. After my nap we spend the rest of our night eating and playing Jenga before walking back to the motel.

Day 125

Zero day

I'm up early to drop a sample off at the hospital. I'm still exhausted and the walk from the bus stop to the hospital door leaves me feeling weak. Today I feel helpless. I want to walk to Canada so badly, but feeling like I'm at 10% of my normal energy makes the idea seem nearly impossible. I'm annoyed at being sick, I'm annoyed at feeling weak, and I would give anything to have my old energy back.

It does feel great to be back around T-Rose. We spend out afternoon eating and resupplying, exchanging trail gossip and laughing at what we've been through already.

Tomorrow T-Rose and I are planning on spending the day hitch hiking from Ashland to Crater Lake. We'll be skipping some trail miles for various reasons (road access, fire danger, etc), but I'm genuinely excited to give this hiking thing another shot. For now though, I'm going to sleep until I can't sleep any more.